Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 14:24:59 CSD Reply-To: Shailesh Dhiman Sender: "SAS(r) Discussion" From: Shailesh Dhiman Subject: humor The following was forwarded on to me by a friend; Subj: Collection of `one-liner' signature files found on the Internet - - - Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? - - - I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! - - - "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." - - - Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. - - - I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. - - - The gene pool could use a little chlorine. - - - C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. - - - We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. - - - Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. - - - The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. - - - Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! - - - The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER - - - Did anyone see my lost carrier? - - - Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. - - - I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! - - - He who laughs last thinks slowest! - - - Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. - - - Give me ambiguity or give me something else. - - - "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" - - - A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. - - - Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. - - - Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. - - - There's too much blood in my caffeine system. - - - Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. - - - I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. - - - Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! - - - Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. - - - I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. - - - Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. - - - Double your drive space - delete Windows! - - - What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free? - - - Assassins do it from behind. - - - If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. - - - Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. - - - Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. - - - Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. - - - I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. - - - Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. - - - I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. - - - Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. - - - When there's a will, I want to be in it. - - - Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? - - - Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. - - - We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? - - - All generalizations are false, including this one. - - - Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. - - - "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.