---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Jack Kolb Subject: Actual newpaper headlines From Mike Avery and JokeMaster : Eat your heart out, Jay Leno. ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES GATORS TO FACE SEMINOLES WITH PETERS OUT The Tallahassee Bugle MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS The Anchorage Alaska Times GOVERNOR'S PENIS BUSY [should be "Pen Is"] The New Haven Connecticut Register THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON The Arkansas Plainsman CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE'S HANDS Bangor Maine News STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION The Washington Times CLINTON STIFF ON WITHDRAWAL The Bosnia Bugle LONG ISLAND STIFFENS FOR LILI'S BLOW Newsday ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX San Antonio Rose PETROLEUM JELLY KEEPS IDLE TOOLS RUST-FREE Chicago Daily News TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS The Miami Herald MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING The New Haven Connecticut Register GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS The Tallahassee Democrat WOULD SHE CLIMB TO THE TOP OF MR. EVEREST AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY! The Houston Chronicle Jack Kolb Dept. of English, UCLA kolb@ucla.edu =============================================================================== From: "Karl L. Wuensch" Those were good! One of my favourites appeared in the ECU student newspaper. It was a classified from a person seeking to obtain for her children a ride to Chapel Hill. The ad said "will pas gas." From the Daily Reflector I have a TV listing for that famous game show "Beat the Cock." I remember many years ago one newspaper ad for "Men's Sport Shits" and another which said "We are cleaning out ladies panties."